A good type of hurt
by finsbaby
Summary: based on the preview clip of 6x03. He's no longer human, but Cas still feels.


One shot based on the preview clip of "The third man"-6x03 airing this Friday! I OWN NOTHING!

* * *

Castiel was tired. He'd been on this mission non-stop for _months. _He just wanted it to end already...

"So what are you, the new sheriff in town?" Dean had asked. At the time Castiel told him he liked the sound of that. If he only knew. The cold looks from the other angels, the tension between the few that had welcomed him home with open arms because he was now their supierior, and this..._foreign_ feeling. Sadness? No. This hole, this ache, it was-

_Longing. _He missed the Winchesters. Dean particularly. The broken man had rubbed off on him. He sometimes borrowed some of his language, which only resulted with strange looks from his brothers. Brothers. They sure didn't feel like brothers. Dean welcomed Sam back from the dead, arguments, even fist fights with open arms. His love for his brother was unconditional. It was that love, that saved the world and defeated Lucifer himself.

"Castiel, we have a problem." Castiel turned to face his 'brother.' He was starting to dislike calling them that in a way.

"What is it?" no emotion, just a flat tone.

_Robotic much? _No. Dean's flippant remark would be more...humorous. Castiel bit back a small smile at the memory of being called-"robocop."

"Sam Winchester. He's alive. What should we-"

"I know he's alive. Leave him be. We have more pressing concerns." Without a second glance, The newly appointed archangel walked away.

_Seriously Cas? Do all nerd angels walk in heaven or were you feeling frisky? _

Castiel flinched. Walking down to the very edge of heaven, He took a deep breath and sank to his knees. Sam had been calling for help for nearly a year now. Dean was-angry at him and his father. Time would heal his wounds. His and Sam's. They were fine without him. Besides, he did indeed have 'bigger fish to fry.' Great. Another human line.

"Oh mat, umm del ah kat!" He may be new and improved, but he still was 'finding his sea legs' when it came to his powers. Burning from the inside out, vision eclipsed in a white fire, he vaguely heard electricity pops as he spread his wings. The ground was trembling, but this didn't disturb him in the least. After all, he was the one emitting this awe inspiring power. He could sense that..._feeling_ slipping away, that human emotion that had him off balance.

"A cleansing ritual Castiel? That's surprising." A calm soothing voice interrupted. Castiel hesitated, then recognized his visitor: Joshua. As his action hadn't happened, Castiel found himself once again kneeling on the edge of heaven.

"Joshua." No emotion. Maybe it had worked...

"It scares you a little. Having so much power at your disposal."

"I suppose."

"Forgive me Castiel, but you seem lost."

_What tipped you off? The brooding shoulders or the defeated position? _

Castiel flinched again. "It's a mess up here. God is...I don't know where. I-"

"Feel lonely sometimes." Joshua supplied. Castiel didn't turn to face him.

"I don't feel lonely. We don't feel those types of emotions Joshua."

"Why? Because you say so?"

"No! Because history says so! Because I've never felt it before and-" Castiel cut himself short as an apology.

"You've always _felt_ Castiel."

"Yes. But not like _this_."Castiel shot back tersely._ This hurts_.

"..."

"Are you-laughing?"

"Ah Castiel. So much to learn. SO much to learn." Joshua smiled. Stepping forward, he too knelt down on the edge of heaven. Leaning into the lost angel's ear he offered some advice. "It is the the fear of becoming ordinary that inspires us to be extraordinary. Do not forget that you rebelled against heaven, yet you were rewarded. You've always been willing to follow our father while fighting for his children. You see what he sees in them. It's different. That does not make it a bad thing."

"This is a bad thing Joshua."

"I hear your words, but feel your thoughts. Fear is natural."

"For humans."

"The same humans you rebelled for, became human for, and died for-twice."

"..."

"Fighting is easy. But when you have something, someone to fight for, that gives you the added advantage."

"I don't..."

"Understand? That's called caring Castiel. You might not ever understand. But you will always know what's within your heart."

"This changes nothing."

"Yet it does, and you will soon see that."

Castiel started. "How-" But Joshua had already vanished, leaving the young archangel to his thoughts.

_Now I lay me down to sleep..._

And just like that, time froze. Dean. It was _Dean_. Praying to him. Praying!

_I pray to Castiel..._

Castiel leaned forward slightly, as if trying to hear better.

_to get his feathery ass down here._

He doesn't laugh. It was a slight cough. He knows by the light tone Dean is being-well Dean. And he would never admit it, but it was nice to know that hadn't changed.

_C'mon Cas, don't be a dick. _

Well for the most part.

_We've got ourselves a plague like situation down here..._

And that's all he needed to hear. He prepared to be on his way. He could handle this alone, without Dean's knowledge that he was around.

_Do ya...do ya copy?_

Just like that, Castiel froze. He knew that tone. He'd heard it before. _Hope_.

_Cas are you god?_

This was no time for memories.

_Like I said..._

Sam? So they were together.

_the sonuvabitch doesn't answer._

And Castiel felt it. The same feeling he'd felt when he thought God had abandoned him. He couldn't let Dean feel the same way because of him, could he?

"..."

Dean wasn't responding. Castiel focused a little bit more and gasped. That pain...that _ache_...Dean felt it too. And it was spreading, chased with disappointment.

Castiel leapt from the very edge of heaven and free falled with grace to the earth below. Joshua's voice followed him down.

_It is not only humans that are destined for great things Castiel._

Just like that he's there, and his gaze settles on Dean, who stares in surprise. But Castiel does not miss the happiness hidden either.

"He's standing right behind me isn't he."

Castiel switches his gaze to Sam, and although he looks a little put out, the ache is noticeable in his heart as well. Buried deep underneath hurt feelings and the strain of being a POW from hell, it's faint, but there.

And so he smiles. "Hello."

Sam huffs, and turns to Dean, who tilts his head a little smugly. The ache inside Castiel warms, and disappears. He could do this.

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End. I love this one shot. Makes me all fuzzy. Please share your thoughts and criticisms, I suck at writing snark. I had to write this after seeing the preview clip. Check it out on youtube if you haven't seen it:-) Ps to all amulet lovers, please join the group "Give Dean his amulet. Now" on facebook to support the movement to return our beloved amulet!


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